Monday, 18 April 2011

Big Day

Tomorrow marks the dawn of a new era. After staying at home with my toddler since his birth, I am set to go back to work.

It doesn't sound like a big deal - people get new jobs and go to work everyday. Heck, when I think about it, I've been in the working environment longer than I've been a parent. But there is something terrifying about returning to work after more than three years off.

I am filled with self doubt. Huge chunks of me fear that I'm not good enough, that I'll let someone down, that I've forgotten to live in a world where my day isn't spent centred around my son.

The thought of leaving my child for long periods of time fills me with the kind of guilt I thought only was saved for truly evil deeds.

Feelings of pride have been extinguished by those who see only the benefits for themselves. I am doing this for me, not for others and what they may gain by me returning to work.

All I want to hear is 'congratulations' or 'good luck', or the very best 'I'm so proud of you'.  Instead all I've heard is hardship or greed.

Among the negative feelings is a burst of excitement that grows with every passing minute. I will stay confident and believe in myself. I will succeed. I will ignore the doubt.

1 comments:

C.E. Hart 19 April 2011 at 08:16  

Pamela,
Good for you! We are not defined by being moms (although it is the most miraculous thing in the world.) We are defined by what makes us US, and what makes us happy. As a mom, wife, friend, sister, or daughter - you must fulfill your desires and needs before you are whole for those around you.

I'm delighted you are getting out there and doing something a little scary... a little exciting... Toot your horn. Ring your bell. Smile your joy. :)

Your family and friends will reap the benefits of you being a more satisfied, sated woman.

Congrats, Lushie! :)
Good luck!
I'm proud of you.

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