Big Day

Tomorrow marks the dawn of a new era. After staying at home with my toddler since his birth, I am set to go back to work.

It doesn't sound like a big deal - people get new jobs and go to work everyday. Heck, when I think about it, I've been in the working environment longer than I've been a parent. But there is something terrifying about returning to work after more than three years off.

I am filled with self doubt. Huge chunks of me fear that I'm not good enough, that I'll let someone down, that I've forgotten to live in a world where my day isn't spent centred around my son.

The thought of leaving my child for long periods of time fills me with the kind of guilt I thought only was saved for truly evil deeds.

Feelings of pride have been extinguished by those who see only the benefits for themselves. I am doing this for me, not for others and what they may gain by me returning to work.

All I want to hear is 'congratulations' or 'good luck', or the very best 'I'm so proud of you'.  Instead all I've heard is hardship or greed.

Among the negative feelings is a burst of excitement that grows with every passing minute. I will stay confident and believe in myself. I will succeed. I will ignore the doubt.