When I first heard the phrase 'crisis of confidence', I associated it with Tom Cruise and his cookie cutter movies. Top Gun, he's a fighter pilot until he has a crisis of confidence and he can't be a fighter pilot anymore. Days of Thunder, he's a race car driver until he has a crisis of confidence and he can't be a race car driver any more. Cocktail, he's a bar tender until...you get the picture.
I never understood the phrase until I realised it applied to me.
Recently my confidence took a battering, and I'm not even all that sure why. One or two minor things happened yet it made me look at my work as though it was a fearful thing. I dreaded reading anything back, terrified it would be crap. As for actual writing? Forget about it.
My fellow Wenches over on the Wench Writers blog know of my knock of confidence, and awesome as they are, didn't entertain my dejection, told me not to be daft and get on with it. But this isn't the type of feeling that goes away by someone else's approval - it can only be cured by your own.
People can tell you till they're blue in the face that you have talent, but until you believe it for yourself, nothing will change. As of this post, I am still unpublished. When I started taking my writing seriously in 2009, I knew it would be a long hard battle. But this is the first time I entertained the notion of failing.
This isn't a pity post, more a curious post. Have any of you taken a battering? How did you get over it? DID you get over it?
Sigh. Until next time. Fingers crossed I find my mojo again!