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Dejection, Dejection, Dejection
When I first heard the phrase 'crisis of confidence', I associated it with Tom Cruise and his cookie cutter movies. Top Gun, he's a fighter pilot until he has a crisis of confidence and he can't be a fighter pilot anymore. Days of Thunder, he's a race car driver until he has a crisis of confidence and he can't be a race car driver any more. Cocktail, he's a bar tender until...you get the picture.
I never understood the phrase until I realised it applied to me.
Recently my confidence took a battering, and I'm not even all that sure why. One or two minor things happened yet it made me look at my work as though it was a fearful thing. I dreaded reading anything back, terrified it would be crap. As for actual writing? Forget about it.
My fellow Wenches over on the Wench Writers blog know of my knock of confidence, and awesome as they are, didn't entertain my dejection, told me not to be daft and get on with it. But this isn't the type of feeling that goes away by someone else's approval - it can only be cured by your own.
People can tell you till they're blue in the face that you have talent, but until you believe it for yourself, nothing will change. As of this post, I am still unpublished. When I started taking my writing seriously in 2009, I knew it would be a long hard battle. But this is the first time I entertained the notion of failing.
This isn't a pity post, more a curious post. Have any of you taken a battering? How did you get over it? DID you get over it?
Sigh. Until next time. Fingers crossed I find my mojo again!
Pxx
3 comments:
I went through rejection for a long time, but the time I felt most battered was when I broke off with an agent (happened twice). It took so long to get one, and then it was hard on my ego to have my book unsold and the relationships fizzle out.
I believe all of us go through those doubtful or frightening times, so this is easy to relate to. I feel for you - but I wish you weren't so hard on yourself.
Sometimes I ask myself, "What's the worst that can happen?" (Such as sending off an article, starting a new book, etc..) When 'that' isn't bad enough - I even create 'worse' scenarios in my mixed-up mind. A lot of good that does. It just sends me into a downward spiral. lol I'm saying that to say this... DON'T DO THAT! lol
We sabotage ourselves faster than others could even think of doing. Tell that inner voice to zip-it! I'm here to tell you, you are a fabulous writer. You have a unique style that I love. Your characters are well developed and your stories have a humorous touch. I don't care what that inner voice says - she doesn't know what she's talking about. I know you are fabulous - and fabulous things are awaiting you around the bend.
If you don't snap-out-of-this-funk, I'm going to pester you non-stop. That's reason enough to go lookin' for that mojo again, isn't it? lol
(If it brings any comfort, I think that self-doubt creeps up in all of us...)
<3
That must have been hard, Medeia. I'm so glad that you are now seeing your book in print. I myself am counting down the days till July so I can get a copy! lol.
Well, Nic, yes, I think that is reason enough! lmao. Thanks so much for your support, it means so much, seriously. I heart my wenchy :) lol
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